Guide to Writing a Good Self-Insert
by Pieces of Mine
Summary: "OC guide" this, "Mary Sue test" that. Will no one think of the poor characters who are forced to dwell in between? (This is more for Self-Inserts in general; I'll just be using Fullmetal Alchemist for examples and analogies and the like.)
1. Define Self-Insert

Welp, this is happening.

* * *

So say you're a normal human fan, and you really really wish you could meet these fictional characters in person, or maybe you just like the world they live in and wish to go there.

Now let's say you're the kind of person who goes one step further and actually imagines it. Sure, I do that all the time; it's not a crime. Heck, when you daydream about it, it doesn't matter what you do! I'm Percy Jackson's long lost twin sister who's a reincarnation of myself and can sometimes read minds. No one cares. (Or they shouldn't anyway.)

But there comes a time when you just can't leave the idea in your head anymore. There comes a time when you want to write a Self-Insert. Well, it happens to some people, anyway.

My point is that you need to stop now and take a deep breath; this is dangerous territory, and most people will just flat out tell you to shut up and keep it in your head. Those people are wimps. You and I? We're about to embark on a quest to find where the line between Mary Sues and Self-Inserts blurs. You and I are about to travel through...

 **The Valley of Temptation**

Imagine for me two places.

There's Mary Sue Gardens, where pretty girls and OOC canons run free. There's free limbo, sexy people doing sexy things, and every Sue has their own personal shrine at which their canons can worship them while they're busy with a different canon. All of them are pretty, most of them have "troubled" pasts, and every single one has SOMETHING to whine about that, to them, is as bad as Hitler. (It isn't.)

Then there's Self-Insert City, where everyone is working under the rule of their own personal god; some people are enjoying themselves, some people are miserable, some people don't know what's going on, some people know too much of what's going on, and some people have long since adopted the "F*** it" mentality. Either way, everyone is unique. Your opinion of each one depends on your preference, and you can usually find canons hanging out in their own personal hotels, now and then getting a friendly visit from an OC. (Or a fatal one from one of the OCs gods.)

These places don't live in harmony. The residents of Self-Insert City look at the Mary Sues with a vague contempt, and the gods and goddesses of Mary Sue Gardens gaze at Self-Insert City with sympathetic pity tears in their shimmering sapphire/golden/rainbow/etcetera eyes. They're always at war, with Mary Sues trying to valiantly save the Self-Inserts from themselves, (invading) and the Self-Inserts trying desperately to push them back. There are many casualties.

Actually, I have the numbers right here. Hold on, lemme get then out...

 _Self-Insert army: deaths and losses_

 _Dead: 2.3million_

 _Sued: 84.7million_

Note: The deaths mean the OCs who were cast aside by their god in the fear that they would become a Sue. Sueds... You can guess.

 _Salvation army: Heroines Who Sacrificed Themselves for the Cause and betrayals_

 _Sacrifices: 3,235,941_

 _Betrayals: 27,871_

As you can see, the war isn't going well for Self-Insert City. My mission right now is to help their cause by raising awareness of their plight.

Remember The Valley of Temptation I was talking about earlier? That's what the SIs call the battlefield on the line between their realms. It's horrible to get caught up there, and easy to be pulled over to the other side once you've considered its offers.

Fortunately, it's also a weakness for the Sues; this is where their poor abandoned god (because yes, Sues have gods too) can reclaim them. Sometimes the Sue joins the SIs, sometimes they take a plane to the OC Circus, but the majority of the time you'll find their gods smiting them in shame.

My mission is to help these gods tempt their Sue into the Valley long enough to either be saved or smited, and to help prevent the Sueing of Self-Inserts. Speak now with your concerns and join the cause.

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Next chapter will be the actual guide. I just like visuals.


	2. Personal Choice Meets Bias

Alright now, for this chapter we'll be looking at some "typical Sue traits" that need clarifying. I was going to stuff these things into a "generic Sue Test chapter" later on, with questions and such, but I decided it would be better organized to do it this way.

So first off, we have the simplest of things, the thing people talk about with phrases like "NEVER do this!" It's directly associated with their hatred of Self-Inserts.

Names.

Or, more specifically, _your_ name. They say it's taboo to name your character after yourself, but if you're writing a Self-Insert, then why the Gate not? Just don't spell it weirdly or go out of your readers' way to explain how cute or amazing the name is; it's just whatever you're comfortable with calling yourself.

But here's where the issue lies. People don't think you should feel as one with your character. That's the point of a Self-Insert! You may, however, be living in a mansion just by the border between Self-Insert City and Mary Sue Gardens. Keep this in mind: the best writers are either depressed or masochists. Never treat yourself. (Don't beat yourself up too much, either, but as a wise quote says: "If you want to see what [a character is] really made of, you must _break them_." It works for yourself too. I don't want to get all philosophical in here, but I've found that everything I am can be found in the suffering I've experienced. Even the imaginary suffering, if you'll believe it. Maybe even mostly there.)

But I've rambled. My point is that this is _your_ fantasy. Do what you want within the limits of logic and reality; you are you, not better than you, and the world you're entering won't likely make exceptions for you. That's all. Those are the restrictions. From there, you can do basically anything. Just have it be believable. And hey, why would you want to wish for something that _isn't_ believable?

* * *

For this next one, I'm just pulling out the original stuff from the questionnaire type thing it was originally going to be part of. Here it is:

"Is there a familial relationship in there?"

"Yeah. Close sibling/cousin."

"Yes. Estranged sibling/cousin."

"Yeah. Child of older versions of the main characters/of the main characters because they're not kids in my fandom."

"Yes. Long lost. They never knew each other."

"Yes. Long lost. The reunion is/was teary and/or heartwarming."

"Yes. Long lost. The reunion involved a lot of anger."

Notice I didn't put points up there. That's because familial relationships with OCs, Self-Insert or not, are tricky. I personally have only read two that were good, and neither are completed, sadly. ...Well, there might've been a third, but I barely remember it enough to say whether it was good.

The thing is, no one really wants to read about you having family spats with their favorite character, and they don't want you butting into sacred relationship bonding that happens in things like Fullmetal Alchemist. You have to make any spats affect the plot, and you can't be involved in big character-developing moments in the canons' lives.

In other words, Fullmetal Alchemist Self-Inserters, you can't be involved in the Human Transmutation. I'm sorry, but as little sense it would make for a brother or sister of Edward and Alphonse Elric to be left out of the whole "let's bring back mom" thing, it's such an important piece in the canon that it must not be disturbed. That would be like Percy Jackson's sister being the second child of the prophecy, or Harry Potter's twin getting the lightning bolt, too, or Frodo's brother sharing the burden of the ring. It's dangerous, and it's intrusive. I'm sure you can find a way to avoid it.

If the way you think of is the whole long lost thing, then I have one thing to say to you: Be CAREFUL. I've only ever seen it done once, and even then the OC was just a friend. It was a mess. Tearful reunions are cheesy and unrealistic unless you're talking about a mother and her child; but there can't be no reaction either. I personally don't think I could do it unless no one knew each other and both parties were confused and uncomfortable. And even then: They need to adjust. No "oh hey, you're back! Let's be best buds again like before!" or "you're my sister? Okay, let's act like it's always been this way." You need to be careful, and so do the characters.

And yes, I am saying it can be done. My issue with Mary Sue tests and OC guides is that all of them have SOMETHING they think you can't do. I refuse to do that. I can say "what's your defect?" [about abusive relationships in the original writing] all I want, but that's not gonna pull Fifty Shades of Grey off the shelves. If the canons are in character, you can do it. Just give things a reason to happen.

Oh, and quick note on Self-Insert child of a main character: It is a freaking cool idea in my opinion. Just make sure the characters you use as parents really would have children; Roy Mustang would never be so careless as to have unprotected sex with some random woman. Have you _seen_ him? He's responsible in all matters of the personal issues. (So everything but paperwork.) I'd like to see a self-insert of one of Ed's kids. It could be done, but I say to you: Be JUST AS CAREFUL AS YOU ARE WITH LONG LOST SITUATIONS.

* * *

Okay, now it's your turn to get involved. I still need to work out how to create a functional, simple test like people are familiar with to put somewhere in this guide, but that might take a while. I know there are tropes, ideas and particular personality traits people don't like that I've not addressed, but I don't trust myself to get to all of them; if there's a thing you're not sure about when it comes to SIs, I can assure you I've at least had a brief think about it. I usually tend to analyze or research or...yeah. So whatcha got? My goal, as stated before, is to help these poor warriors in their fight against the Sues. I'll never tell you to toss your You OC, (or YO as I shall call it from now on) so she or he need not fear my judging wrath.


	3. The Exception

ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO.

My life exists. It's not like any of you were on the edge of your seat for another chapter. I wanted to have more material than this for an update, but... I'm lazy and tired, and I feel like this should be said.

I got this review, "So what I'm getting at here, a Mary-sue is a girl oc who is considered perfect with flaws but a troubled past? Well, what about a guy? What is that called? And because I usually write fics with male ocs, is there anything I can avoid making the same mistake but with guy ocs? One last question, what is the most...what's that word?...trope?...that people would usually use for male ocs? Great guide by the way!"

I already replied, being the direct sort of person that I am, but I'm going to put my reply out there as AN ENTIRE CHAPTER.

AND ENTIRE

SHORT

CHAPTER.

So here's a revised (extremely revised, but not so much at first) version of the response.

* * *

"Mary Sue" can be used when talking about a male character, but most people like calling those guys Gary Stus. (To be honest, I've only ever read one self-insert through that had a male character, and that was pretty good.)

I guess the most _common_ trope with them, from what I've seen, would probably be when the author writes their male OC into the romantic life of a canon straight guy. I would avoid that. Yes, there is an audience for it, but you're taking these canon-straight guys and OOCing the heck out of them. (Same with pairing them with a canon-lesbian.) It's just not what could happen in that world, and it paints your character as "the exception," which should be played down as much as possible.

In fact, "the exception" seems to be the root of all Sues.

So I guess that's it: Think, "He's not the exception." If a character could, realistically in the world of the fiction you're writing about, do something incredible or rare, then that's alright. Having an OC go through The Gate isn't a Mary Sue/Gary Stu trait, because, as rare as it is, it doesn't make your OC the exception to any sort of rule. It's okay so long as you work it out logically, preferably with whatever is taken from them being deliberate and related to their lives.

I failed on that regard with my own self-insert on a different account. (An account I will not be sharing because I don't want people over there to know I have a side account. Makes me feel like a dirty cheater. =- =) _How_ I failed is by _forgetting_ that this stuff was important. Later on, I told people that each limb lost represented a person I love, _(_ _my brother keeps me standing or whatever)_ but thinking stuff up _after_ the fact is usually sloppy...unless you're really lucky and it just happens to match up perfectly. But mine? Sloppy. Thankfully, I was saved by the stuff I actually did right. I could probably list every one of those things - at least the ones I'm aware of - but that would seem really self-indulgent, and I don't think I'd be able to generalize everything enough to actually be _useful_.

Anyway, the point is that you need to have a good think before doing something to your YO. (Remember YO from the last chapter?) Think, "Am I forgetting something? Am I breaking a canon law of the universe? Is the only reason no one's said anything yet because I sound like a pathetic fourteen year old girl who doesn't know how to write in my author's notes?"

BUT, continuing from the paragraph before the paragraph before last, if your OC wins the affections of, say, Sloth, (in Brotherhood) then you have a bit of a problem, since Sloth is a big blob of "I dunno what's going on, but can not doing things be a part of it?" Exception to the max.

* * *

I will, of course, repeat the word "exception" a lot. Because it's true.

I know I'm not updating frequently, and I don't really plan to because I have more important stuff to think about, but I'll keep coming back here _without_ _fail_ until I'm confident I've covered everything.

Oh, and I changed my mind about that quiz thing. I um...I lost what I'd written and got sort of...angry about it. I might do it someday, if you guys want me to, but for now...nah.

Final note: _**Give me your YOs.**_ I know that bolded, italicized phrase can be intimidating, but I won't remember/think of every point I want to cover without examples. If you've been thinking about writing a self-insert, tell me whatcha got so I can rip into it with all the criticism of a loving mother.


End file.
